WHEN MARS AND VENUS COLLIDE
(Standard Dating Tips for Your First “Close Encounter”)

The First “Meeting”

The preparation you’ve done in our previous chapters will make your first “meeting” much smoother for the both of you. For the purposes of this chapter we will assume that you’re meeting someone you have taken the time to know reasonably well on the phone and by email. Now you are ready to meet at the comfortable venue that you have chosen. We know you are getting tingly all over just thinking about it. We’re getting tingly all over, too.

Remember; this is a “Meeting,” not a date!

The purpose of this first encounter is to determine if you both wish to date each other in the future. Try not raise your expectations too high before at this “meeting” keep them as low as we hope they are. This “meeting” is best approached with a “we will see, what we will see,” attitude. If all goes well, you will have an enjoyable experience getting to know each other that leads to a real date. So don’t worry for now, there will be plenty of time for pain and rejection later on (for those of you who miss it).

Who Gets the Check?

It’s common for both participants to pay their own tab, but don’t be surprised if he volunteers to pay. Some old fashioned men (like Daniel) need to feel like a “manly hunter-gatherer-provider.” Having a woman pay makes him feel “emasculated.” If your cyber date offers to pay – let him. He’s most likely just being protective of his masculinity.

We chose an inexpensive location for a good reason; If he picks up an inexpensive check you won’t feel guilty or obligated if it doesn’t work out. If he does not offer to pay, try not to prejudge him as a cheapskate. He may understand, as you do, that this is simply a meeting before an actual date – Of course the odds are he‘s probably just a cheap bastard.

Tips and Suggestions for your First Meeting from Cyber Vixen:

• We know you will be nervous. He will be, too. Try to put him at ease. People react as they are spoken to. If you yell, they yell back. If you’re sad, they feel your pain. If you are relaxed, he will be too.

• Try to keep your meeting to less than one hour – even if it’s going well. Always leave them wanting more. Have an excuse ready to leave - you may need one.

• If it’s not going well, have a reason to leave immediately (see next chapter: “Leaving the Losers”)

• Use your time wisely. Ask questions about anything that may concern you about him or the information in his profile – especially information regarding prison furlough programs.

• If he asks why you’re trying to meet men online. Tell him that you wanted to meet people you have more in common with, or who are completely outside of your circle (of friends, work, etc.). You do not want to appear desperate – especially if you are.

• If he pushes you to talk about your online dating experiences, tell him one funny, brief anecdote (trust us, you will soon have plenty) and move on. Remember this is a meeting about your future, not your past.

• Try to be well rested; you’ll look better, you’ll feel better, and your conversation will flow better – Also there is less likelihood of you drowning because you’ve passed out in your soup.

• At the end of the meeting (if you’re still interested), make a suggestion of what might make a nice future date. Then set up a date with him later via phone or email. Don’t make a date immediately on the spot. Give ample time to think about him before you take the next step.

• Lastly, at the end of your meeting, accept the possibility that you may like him but he may not like you – what a jerk! If he’s not interested don’t take it personally. Just move on. Have faith in the fact that you have many more options available thanks to the internet (and your friends at “Cyber Vixen”).

Do’s and Don’ts for your First Meeting

There are an infinite number of correct (and incorrect) things to do on your first “meeting.” Here at “Cyber Vixen” we are dedicated to making the online dating experience easier and more enjoyable for you. We pride ourselves on our ability to be direct, and to keep our lists as short as possible.

Here is a list of do’s and don’t based on the advice we feel is the most important to a successful first encounter:

Do’s:

• Bring some breath mints.

• Dress appropriately for the venue.

• Arrive on time.

• Be comfortable and confident – not cocky.

• Be courteous.

• Keep the conversation lively.

• Be positive and engaging.

• Be a good listener – try to listen as much as you speak.

• Make eye contact (even in LA or NY).

• Keep your cell phone handy just incase (and to check in with a friend).

• Be honest without being brutally honest about yourself.

• Be honest if he asks if you’ve done this before. If you have, try to avoid telling negative stories about online meetings.

• Listen carefully if he talks about his online dating experiences.

• Go ahead, we know you’re curious, check out his hand size. If your really curious take him bowling and you can read his shoe size right off the heel!

Don’ts:

• Do not go on and on, about yourself.

• Do not go on and on in general – everyone hates a windbag.

• Do not talk about past relationships – good or bad relationships.

• Do not give your address.

• Do not check out other men around the room.

• Do not check out other men or women in the room. Keep the focus between the two of you.

• Do not bite you nails or pick your teeth.

• Do not pick your teeth with a sugar packet or clean plaque from your gum line with a coffee stirrer.

• Do not fall asleep when he is talking about himself (remember the soup).

• Don’t tell him how long it’s been since you’ve been intimate.

• Don’t fidget nervously.

• Don’t reek of cigarettes, alcohol or cheap perfume.

• Don’t bring your laptop computer.

• Don’t get into fights about religion or politics. It’s generally best to avoid those subjects – unless he’s dressed like a priest or wearing a swastika pin.

• Do not talk about his penis length, or lack there of.

• Do not talk about how many sexual partners you have had – even if you hold a state record.

• Do not say he doesn’t look like his picture – he knows.

• Don’t show off your tattoos that have other men’s names – especially if they’re spelled wrong.

• Don’t be vulgar or tell vulgar jokes.

• Don’t tell him how much money you earn.

• Don’t ask directly how much he earns. Just ask what he does and do the math.

• Don’t talk about sex. There will be plenty of time for that later.

• Don’t show up drunk or on drugs unless you’re at an AA meeting.

• Don’t bring up your criminal record.

• Don’t write these Do’s and Don’ts on your hand.

• Don’t mention this book, even though it made your meeting possible, and by the way . . . you’re welcome.

After the “meeting”

It is customary, but not an obligation, to thank someone for their time. Why not send an email? It’s easy. You can thank him briefly by sending an email – even if the meeting sucked out loud.

If you can’t tell if it sucked or not (which means it probably did for him), send an email. Don’t phone or be an e-stalker. Email once, and move on to other possibilities.

If it did go well

Congratulations! You’re ready to move into the actual “dating” phase in our next chapter. At this point, we recommend using the phone more than email so he will quickly forget the sleazy way you met online.