SAFETY FIRST, POONANIE SECOND
(Important Tips for Safe Dating)

Safety for men and women for online and offline dating

Regardless of where you meet, “online” or “offline” dating is never a risk- free activity; Use common sense and have your wits about you at all times

Stop communicating immediately with anyone who pressures you for personal information or attempts in any way to trick you. This includes asking you for financial information; credit card numbers, bank account numbers, social security numbers, passwords, addresses and phone numbers.

A photo will help give you a gut feeling about who you are dealing with. It helps to view several images of someone in various settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoor. We’ve stressed this throughout this book. If all you hear are excuses about why you can't see a photo, consider that he or she may have something to hide.

You never know where they may end up.

Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and protect yourself. Always practice safe sex. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention often provide the most current information available about sexually transmitted diseases and preserving your health. You can find their very informative web site at www.cdc.gov.

A phone call can reveal much about a person and their communication skills. Do not reveal your personal phone number to a stranger. Instead, try a cell phone or use caller ID blocking to prevent your phone number from appearing on their phone. Do not furnish your phone number until you feel completely comfortable.

Use extreme caution and common sense

Keep your guard up; trust should be earned and not simply granted. Take all the time you need and pay careful attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying and untrustworthy, they probably are, so act accordingly.

Meet when you are ready

When meeting online you can collect information gradually, and later choose whether to pursue that relationship in the offline world. You are never obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online intimacy. If you arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level is based on a hunch. that’s okay. Trust yourself and go with your better instincts.

Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration and attempts to pressure or control you. Other red flags are; acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making disrespectful or demeaning comments, or displaying any physically inappropriate behavior.

• Telling you “just one lie.” Chances are more will soon follow.

• Talking about vague complications involving ex-spouses or ex-lovers, because it's very likely true that the supposed "ex" is still in the picture.

• Asking for money, credit card numbers, airline tickets, or to call you collect. Be especially wary of people who claim to be behind their bills or down on their luck.

• Making any demands upon you that seem unreasonable.

Always meet in a safe place

When you finally choose to meet in person, always tell friends where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date’s name and telephone number with a friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at your home. Provide your own transportation and meet in a very public place. When the date is over, leave on your own. A familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at a time when plenty of other people will be present is best. If you decide to move to another location, take your own car.

• Be cautious of people who appear to be con-artists, adulterers and other seamy, sleazy types.

• When your real world friends or family advise you to be careful of someone you’ve become involved with, listen to them. You may not like what they have to say, but they are emotionally removed from the situation and may have a clearer view than you.

We suggest dating locally, but if you must date outside your area

If you are flying in from another city, always arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not tell your date the name of your hotel and never allow your them to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. Make sure that have enough money with you so that you will not become stranded. You might want to hide twenty dollars in your shoe for emergencies. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all times.

Fight or flight? If possible choose flight

If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there – quickly. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend, ask someone else on the scene for help, or just leave. If you feel you are in danger, call the police. Never worry or feel embarrassed about leaving if you feel threatened; because your safety is much more important than anyone’s opinion of you.

If you are an adult, do not date anyone who is not above the age of eighteen. It’s against the law – even if you were in a chat room and the person you were expecting to meet said they were an adult. You will have a hard time convincing the FBI that you didn’t know she was underage.

We strongly suggest that you use pay sites and not chat rooms, because you’ll at least get some information about whom you are talking to. Save yourself the trouble of trying to decipher their true age. Sure, minors can lie on pay sites, too, but they are far less likely to cough up their lunch money to talk to you.

Additional Resources (you can never be too safe)

When in doubt, you can find services on the web for reasonably priced background checks that cater especially to those of looking for love on the internet. They are extremely affordable, and for a minimal price you can find out information about the person you are becoming interested in – even if these aren't things you really wanted to know.

www.datesmart.com Date Smart Background Checks – If you've met on the Internet, through a dating service or personal ad, consider getting a background check before you become too involved.

www.checkyourmates.com Check Your Mates – Online dating safety and background checks. CheckYourMates offers secure online dating verifications by a licensed private investigator.

Here are a few organizations set up to help you in the event that your online dating experience goes awry.

http://www.cyberangels.org Cyber Angels – The World's Oldest and Largest Internet Safety Organization. A comprehensive resource focusing on Internet Safety matters. Offers guidance for parents, and provides information and solutions to common internet safety issues.

www.onlineharassment.com Online Harassment – Addresses safety issues associated with using the Internet. Offers ways to prevent becoming a victim and how to get help if this occurs. Related links and articles.

We at Cyber Casanova are not responsible for the inherent risks involved in any form of dating. We are aware that unseemly characters certainly use the web, but we would like to point out that you’ll also find them in; nightclubs, cocktail parties, or even sitting across from you at your local café. Regardless of where or how you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity. Bear in mind, a little caution will greatly reduce your risks.